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You can stop asking me where I go at night. There will be s in the way you hold yourself, the sensations in your body heaviness, heartache, tension and the way it works. Can you see the life in you? Love is addictive. Or is it a faded, sadder version? Contained in the pain is the wisdom, courage and strength you need to find the happier version of yourself and your life.

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Is this the person you want to be? Does it ache? Try shifting out of your role. It always has. What do you notice about the things that hurt you and the things that feel good? The way we think about selfishness is broken.

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Is there anything you can do to put the relationship back on track? Just come home when you feel like it hey. To do this, fully experience the relationship as it is, without needing to change it or control it. If you could have lived the fantasy with this relationship, you would have done that by now. Do you want me to keep dinner for you?

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The fantasy will persuade you to hold on for a little longer, and always at the cost of moving forward. It could be better — so much better — but just not with this person. Added: Roneshia Amezcua - Date: If life ran like a storybook, the person we fall in love would not be the person who broke us. People need people, but sometimes the cost is a heavy one. Of course, just because your partner names things he or she would like you to do differently, it for you to decide whether this is a direction you want to move in. Every time.

Is there physical pain? Does it feel heavy? Lose the fantasy that things will be different. So is the hope of love. In unhealthy relationships, these roles become polarised. How do you know? The frequency? Selfishness is about recognising what you need and doing what you can to meet those needs. It is maintained, not through love and connection, but through habit.

This will shift the dynamic and either force change or make the dysfunction all the more glaring — and easier to walk away from. Whatever it involves, there are important needs that stay hungry, for one of both people in the relationship. The connection between the mind and the body is a powerful one. The intensity?

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With a shift in mindset, experience and expectation, the resources you use to stay and to blind out the seething hopelessness of it all can be used to propel you forward. Leaving any relationship is difficult.

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If your body could speak, what would it want you to know? All relationships can be likened to an addiction, but sometimes the power of this can be self-destructive. Are there unhealthy behaviours you do to stop from feeling bad? Or has it been drained away. Photos and journalling will capture the intimate, day to day detail of you in this relationship. What do you see in the photos? Keep a record of how you feel in the relationship, the good and bad.

The answer will be in front of you. Let your fantasy instead be one of all the losers who have ever crossed your path sprawled on the couch, wearing saggy Star Wars underwear as they gaze at your photo, listen to Adele and regret like mad ever losing you, while you eat tacos, listen to Beyonce and not miss them at all.

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Sometimes the s are clear — emotional and physical abuse, constant criticism, lying, cheating, emotional starvation. What it means is that over time you would have fallen into a way of being together that makes the dysfunction easier and more tolerable — a healthy adjustment to an unhealthy situation.

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Perhaps it did once but that ended long ago. This might be scary, particularly if the environment you are in is hostile or lonely, but the only way to be okay with leaving what you have, is to fully experience how broken it is. Sometimes there are circumstances that make leaving difficult. It often takes as much resourcefulness, energy and strength to stay in a bad relationship as it does to leave.

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The s might lie in the loneliness, a gentle but constant heartache, a lack of security, connection or intimacy or the distance between you both. Set a time period — weeks or months — and at the end take a look over your photos or your writing.

This can help to see your experience in the relationship for what it is — stripped of the filters and the softening that comes with time. Can you see patterns?

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No relationship is perfect. This is even more important if it is the only list that has you anywhere near the top. The fantasy stands between you and reality and throws flowers at your feet so you never look up and see things as they are. This in no way means either of you are to blame or that either of you deserve to be treated the way you are.

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Notice what you do to shift away from your reality. Explore your roles.

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If you shut down the messages that are coming from your mind, your body will take over. Sometimes that will mean putting yourself first on your list. Sadly, we humans tend to be a bit more human than that.

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Or maybe there are healthy beahviours that you do in unhealthy ways? Try staying with the discomfort rather than avoiding it. In healthy relationships, this is balanced or the roles shift around.

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Sometimes there will be fallout, but there will also be fallout by ignoring what you need and letting the noise shout you down. You matter. Some of the s that you might be addicted to the relationship are:. What you need matters.

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The more someone retreats, the more the other reaches, and this is where the roles become fixed. The shift from powerless to empowered is a gentle one, but lies in the way you experience the relationship. Let it be six weeks, six months — whatever feels right for you.

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The more you fantasise about what could be, the more the reality is embellished and changed into something reasonable. When relationships become loveless, hostile, stingy or dangerous, you would think they would be easy to leave, but they can be the hardest ones to walk away from. The fantasy of what could be will keep you stuck. We fall in love, we commit, we get hurt — over and over — and we stay.

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